Rebuilding Us: Marriage Podcast

How to Know When to Give Up Hope in a Relationship (Hope Series)   How do you know when your relationship is over? Maybe you’re tempted to throw in the towel. But then, is doing so the right thing? Being in the middle of the choice to end a relationship or keep hope alive can be daunting. For people of faith, we know that “with God, all things are possible,” but are there are times when it is really the end?   4 Questions to Ponder When You’re Ready to Give Up Hope in Your Relationship There are several questions to consider when you’re vacillating between the decision to end a relationship or to continue to hope for change. I discuss four questions to think about in today’s episode and expound on each.   What needs to change in the relationship in order for it to grow? How will it change? Do you (or your partner) truly want to change? What or how do I need to change?   At the end of the day, remember that “If nothing changes, nothing changes.”   A Word to the Christians about God’s Will and Our Hope If you’re a Christian, you are likely familiar with Scriptures that talk about hope. These Scriptures are meant to encourage us as we journey through life’s challenges. There are some, however, who believe that God’s will overrides all decision-making. It’s as if no matter what we do, God’s will ensures that success will “magically” happen. Bear with me. Though I believe that God is ultimately in control, I also know that God does not force His will upon us.   “God’s sovereign will does not usurp our human will.”   If you’re in a relationship with someone and he/she does not want to change, God will not force him/her. Are you holding on to hope or wishful thinking? Think on that.   Follow the Way of Peace When we are praying through a decision, we must follow the way of peace. Philippians 4:6-7 reminds us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”   We must not only pray but wait for an answer. God will lead you. Trust him.   Face Your Fears Finally, as you decide on if it’s time to give up hope in your relationship, you must also you’re your fears. When you expose your fears, they lose their power. When you’re trying to decide to stay or go, are you afraid of how you’ll look to others? Afraid that God will be disappointed with you? Afraid of being hurt again? Be honest with yourself and deal with the hidden fears in your heart.   Listen to the complete episode for a much more in-depth conversation on all these points. And remember, “When the pain of staying stuck outweighs the pain of making a change, you’ll change.”     Links Mentioned in this Episode   Our Story: Rebuilding Trust, Rebuilding Us – with My Hubby, Shaun   Register for the Boundaries for Women Workshop Here.     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!  Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Today, I’m encouraging you with scriptures of hope for the weary soul. These 5 Scriptures have carried me through some of life’s greatest challenges. It is my prayer that they will encourage you also. Get in a quiet space, if possible, and allow God’s word to refresh your heart as you trust him with your life.   There are no additional show notes for this episode.   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!    Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

  Life After Divorce: Friendships, Failings, and Finding Love Again (Hope Series) – with Daniel Herrold   As a marriage coach, I am humbled to have divorced people reach out to me for advice. Many want to know what life after divorce can look like and wonder if they will ever find love again. Today’s guest, Daniel Harrold, shares very openly about his journey of life after divorce. Co-founding a community of friends called Divorced Over 40, Daniel discusses how his marriage fell apart, the mistakes he made and lessons he learned, as well as how he rebounded to overcome the stigma of divorce and build a life he’s proud of.   Daniel’s story isn’t unlike many marriages: he and his wife were college sweethearts and got married right after they graduated. He wasn’t the typical college guy who dated all the freshman girls. Just the opposite, as a matter of fact. His wife was basically his first real relationship. A couple of years into the marriage they had their first child: a daughter, followed shortly by two more daughters. Throughout the course of Daniel’s marriage, he and his wife sought marriage counseling. Sadly, they continued to drift apart. As they both realized the marriage was coming to an end, Daniel and his wife decided to forgo counseling and choose divorce.   The Healing Process Divorce is often likened to death. The stages of grief are similar: anger, denial, sorrow, blame, loneliness, etc. It’s a deep loss that is often compounded by a lack of closure. Daniel went through an 18-month healing process where he had to be honest about what he did right and what he did wrong. He also learned some new lessons about love and relationships as a whole. Far too often, people begin dating after divorce before first completing the healing process. This is a big mistake and oftentimes leads to yet another broken relationship and a bitter and broken heart.   One of the catalysts in Daniel’s healing process was a close group of friends that he developed after his divorce. Realizing he needed close friendships, he co-founded Divorced Over 40 with two female friends to help divorced people heal and find connections.   Divorced Over 40 Being divorced can often lead to being stigmatized. Daniel and his two friends wanted to chronicle their lives as divorcees and create a community where those who walked the difficult road of divorce could find hope and healing. They do this by creating relevant content, support, and events for people to meet and develop friendships. This community has been a lifeline to Daniel as he’s found a new life after divorce.   Hope for the Divorced Throughout this hope series, it is my hope (pun intended) that you will find a safe place of healing if you’ve been through a divorce. You may or may not have been the initiator of your divorce, but you are nonetheless dealing with it now. If you have kids, be intentional about being amicable with your ex. This makes all the difference in a child’s life. Your kids do not need to be put in the middle of your relationship problems. Daniel and his ex-wife have actually grown closer as friends and have a great platonic relationship today.   Focus on self-discovery and finding the lessons God wants to show you through the process. If you need to forgive, do so. It’s imperative. If you need to repent, do so. Your soul depends on it. If you need therapy or coaching, get some! Take your time, and allow yourself to go through the process. No shortcuts. You will win if you contend.   A final word, sometimes, those in the church don’t know how to deal with people who are divorced. They may say the wrong thing or they may say nothing. They may distance themselves or worse, gossip about you. Don’t allow people’s incorrect response to damage your heart. Daniel shares very vulnerably around the 24-minute mark as to his experience with how his faith was rattled after his divorce and how’s he’s on his way back to a deeper faith in spite of it.     Links Mentioned in this Episode     Divorced over 40 Community   Follow Dan on Instagram @thedivorceddad     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or whereve

  A mom of eight children and married for 18 years, our guest, author Hallie Lord, was stunned when her marriage fell apart. Listen as Hallie shares very vulnerably the unexpected dramatic change she encountered in her marriage and teaches us about how to unearth treasure and make peace with the unfinished work in our lives. This conversation was so rich. I know it is going to encourage many of you who feel stuck in your lives, those who are on the precipice of a difficult decision, and those reeling from a life that fell or is falling apart.   When Playing it Safe Keeps You Miserable Hallie’s recent book, Falling Home: Creating   Life that Catches You When You Fall, is a deep dive into the unfamiliar, unchartered undercurrent of what happens when life falls apart. Often, when we face moments like this, we are tempted to play it safe and cling to what’s familiar. Hallie can relate, and thought back to when she operated in this mode. She writes, “It was better to remain safe, even if safety meant misery. At least I’d be alive.” How many of you have felt like this? I know I’m being hurt, but it’s not as bad as it could be. I know I should demand better, but at least I’m not alone.   Too many people are stuck in miserable relationships because it’s familiar. It’s all they know. It’s much harder to step outside of what’s familiar, but playing it safe is often the wrong move.   The Value of Premarital Coaching Hallie encourages everyone who’s thinking about getting married to go to premarital counseling or premarital coaching. We all bring patterns, habits, and dysfunction into our marriages, and premarital coaching can help to shine a light on these potential problems and patterns we inherit from our families of origin. I, personally, will not marry a couple if they have not gone through some sort of premarital work. As a relationship coach, it’s my job to help couples avoid the common yet often hidden traps waiting to snatch away their bliss. Do not, I repeat, do not get married without premarital coaching.   Schedule a FREE One-On-One Coaching Session Here   Hallie never thought she’d get divorced. It’s a promise she had made to herself, especially after seeing her parents divorce. But as she slowly realized things in her marriage would not change, she knew it was time to make this difficult choice.   What’s the Worst that Can Happen? When life falls apart, we often meditate on the absolute worst thing that can happen. What if, Hallie asks, we focused on asking ourselves what possible good could come out of the situation? What if we, instead, looked for hidden treasures in the unexpected and unfinished work in our lives?   Life doesn’t have to be hard all the time, and when it is hard, it doesn’t have to remain hard. There is another path . . . another way forward. It’s the path of discovering that there is light and life even in the shadows of darkness.   That’s the message behind Falling Home, and that is the message of this hope series on the podcast. When life falls apart, there is always hope to be found, even in the unexpected and unfinished spaces.   Links Mentioned in this Episode   Get Hallie’s Book: Falling Home: Creating a Life that Catches You When You Fall Connect with Hallie on Instagram or her Website   Interested in my Wife Life group coaching session? Find out more here!     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!        <a

Dealing with Disappointments in Relationships (Hope Series)   What do you do when you’ve been disappointed in your relationships? When the one closest to you lets you down or breaks your heart? Truthfully, we’ve all had unmet expectations in our relationships that have led to major disappointment. As we begin a new podcast series on hope, I want to really lay a foundation of the importance of dealing with our disappointments. When we allow disappointment to fester, it callouses our hearts. We become numb, cold, angry, bitter, etc. You pick your poison. However, when we decide to let go of the disappointment, we can learn to walk in new levels of freedom. Disappointment doesn’t discriminate. In other words, it happens to us all. This episode will help you to stop running from the truth of what or who hurt you and, more importantly, choose a new path by learning to forgive.   The Beauty of Forgiveness “Holding onto unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” – Unknown. Think about that. When you chose to not forgive, you are only hurting yourself. The problem is that we hold onto unforgiveness because we think it shields us from pain. The truth is it only deepens our pain. When you learn to forgive and release others, you are the one who is also set free. if you’re married, you are going to have to forgive often. The people closest to us are also the ones who have greater access to our hearts, and therefore, can hurt us the deepest. But have no fear. Love covers a multitude of wrongs (I Peter 4:8).   What Suffering & Disappointment Teach Us Suffering and disappointment teach out how to endure (Romans 5:3-5). As we learn to endure the disappointments we face in life, we build character, and character builds hope. It’s a beautiful cycle, actually. When you begin to understand that nothing can defeat you, that God can cause all things to work for your good (Romans 8:28), you stop allowing the relationship disappointments you’ve been dealt to win the game. You learn how to make the disappointments work for you.   This episode will help you to gain a better understanding of the necessity of disappointments in our lives. I hope it encourages you.   Links Mentioned in this Episode   Join my new group coaching class: Wife Life   Episode 13: The Power of Forgiveness in Relationships: Release Them, Restore You       SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!  Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Relationship trauma expert Dr. Janie Lacy is here to help us to understand our core wounds and avoid toxic relationships in today’s episode. Janie and I talked about the importance of knowing yourself (i.e. becoming self-aware) and how that knowledge can lead you into uncovering your childhood (or core) wounds. And yes, we all have them. Understanding where we’ve come from can then help us to build healthier relationships.   Lately, there’s been a lot of what I call psycho-babble flying around on social media. Words like narcissism, gaslighting, toxicity, and the like, have become overused and ill-defined. I wanted an actual therapist to help us to not only decode these words but more importantly learn to recognize if we see any of these patterns in our relationships.   Understanding Your Core Wounds Even good families have some level of dysfunction. I like to say that we’ve all marinated in the "juices" of our families of orgin, and no matter how we try to detach from the craziness of our childhood, we all carry some level of crazy into adulthood. Think about the family you grew up in. How did you see your father treat your mother and vice versa? Did you even have a father in the home? If not, how did that affect you? Was your mother nurturing or distant? How did you respond to her? Maybe, sadly, you didn’t grow up with a mother. It’s obvious that the way we were raised affects us today. Janie tells the story of feeling embarrassed to speak in front of people because, as a child, she had rotten teeth. She had to learn to overcome her core wounds and learn how to communicate. This revelation led her to becoming a psychotherapist.   A friend of mine says, “There is no such thing as marriage problems; only childhood problems that manifest in marriage.” I’m sure she didn’t make that up, but whoever originally coined it is on the right track. What doesn’t get healed gets repeated. Janie also reminds us that if we don’t deal with our core wounds, they will haunt us in our relationships.   “We need to understand where we’ve been so that we can unblock where we want to go and why we attract certain people.” – Janie Lacy   Becoming Self-Aware   Janie and I also discussed some practical steps people can do in order to become self-aware. Understanding your core wound is a big part of this, but it’s also important to break out of the mundane. When our lives are too “ordinary,” and we are too comfortable, there is little reason to change or even question if something might be awry. When trauma presents, we are shaken loose of living on auto-pilot. Ask yourself how do you feel when no one else is around? Do you feel loved? Unseen? The reason many of us don’t want to do the work of becoming self-aware is because it is painful. It forces us to take responsibility and look at our own toxic thinking and areas we’ve allowed others to mistreat us. It’s sobering to realize we had a part to play in these toxic relationships.   Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship   Before you can rid yourself of toxic relationships, you must first understand if you’re in one. Beware. This is hard. When you truly love someone, it can be disorienting to think of him/her as toxic. The good news is that the person isn’t necessarily toxic, but the behavior is. Not all toxic relationships have to end, but toxic behavior must. Janie shared with us the following practical signs to know if you’re in a toxic relationship:   You make excuses for your partner’s negative behavior. You can’t be yourself with your partner. You feel like you’re constantly performing. Your core wounds are being incited when you’re around your partner. You see unhealthy patterns (being cursed out, being manipulated, being abused, etc.)   This episode was chock full of sage and practical advice. Thanks Dr. Janie Lacy for all you shared with us today!   Links Mentioned in this Episode   Connect with Janie at http://janielacy.com   Get My Free e-Book! 5 Relationship Mistakes that are Wrecking Your Life       SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your

If you’re a single person looking for solid relationship tips, look no further than today’s episode featuring my husband, Shaun, as we share from our heart some wisdom that will help you to value yourself and to make better decisions in your relationships. First off, full disclosure, Shaun and I were super young when we got married . . . I was 18, and he was 21. So, technically, our single days were pretty short-lived. However, we’ve heard (and continue to hear) from our single friends about the struggles they’re facing in the single game and want to help steer you clear of some common pitfalls.   We thought it was fitting for us, as a married couple, to give some advice for single people from a compassionate yet challenging perspective. One of my Facebook followers on the Real Relationship Talk page sent me a message asking why married men don’t offer “relationship tips” to single women. Um . . . let’s just lay aside the obvious problems with that statement and get to her concerns. She wrote, “Annnnd why is it that married men who seem like ‘Mr. Right’ with their spouse don't have any Mr. Right recommendations for the single sistahs in their lives? I feel like we're out here trying to point ‘em out on our own.” I asked Shaun to take a stab at this question, and his response spawned today’s episode.   Relationship Tip #1: Value Yourself   This may seem like common sense, but far too many single people do not value themselves. They are not self-aware. They lack boundaries, and therefore, other people do not value them either. I see it all the time—beautiful, strong, smart, and capable women allowing themselves to be treated like options by undeserving men. This madness has to stop. The first relationship tip we give to single people is to honor yourself . . . value yourself. If you don’t, no one else will.    Relationship Tip #2: Stop Bending to Society’s Norms   Listen, if you don’t know who you are, you’ll allow everyone else to tell you who you are. Part of being confident and valuing yourself is shutting out society’s expectations, labels, and rules. You are not a Kardashian. You don’t have Kardashian money. You don’t have Kardashian clout. And you do not have Kris Jenner for your mom. Stop trying to “keep up with the Kardashians” or Kardashian-like expectations. No one’s body looks like that, not even theirs. So give yourself a break, and focus on your strengths. If you love you, other people will love you too.   Relationship Tip #3: Stop Giving It Away for Free   Here’s some old-school relationship advice that really works. If you’re giving all the goods away and allowing your boyfriend/girlfriend to be too comfortable, why would they want to marry you? We’re not suggesting that you start playing games, but you do need to ask yourself what are you willing to withhold in order to encourage your significant other to make an investment in you? The age-old adage Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? still holds, friends.   Relationship Tip #4: Don’t Ghost Your Friends When You’re in a Relationship   We’ve all had “that” friend. The one who disappears like Casper when they begin a new relationship. It’s immature and insensitive. You need your friends. Don’t allow your new relationship status to undermine the very people you’re going to need to lean on when said relationship is over. Friends give us a different perspective. They encourage us when we’re down. And they bring balance to your life. So, don’t be shady; be a good friend.   I am so grateful to my husband, Shaun, for speaking to the hearts of my single listeners. I want you to be sure you’re subscribed to my email list so you can continue to receive these relationship tips on the regular using the link below.   Links Mentioned in this Episode   Get Your Free e-Book 5 Relationship Mistakes that are Wrecking Your Life       SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via

Love, Laughs, & Old School Relationship Advice (Single AF Series) - with Comedian Ms. Maebelle   Away with this millennial dating advice! We’re taking it old school today and bringing our favorite comedian, Ms. Maebelle, to the podcast to give us some old-school dating and relationship advice. Now, if you've never heard of Ms. Maebelle, think of a kinder, gentler version of cultural icon Madea. Sometimes you need that “seasoned wisdom” to help you navigate through the stormy relationship waters. Ms. Maebelle delivers just the sauce we needed. I wanted to get her wisdom on what women (especially) should be doing while they’re awaiting Mr. Right (or Boaz, as he’s known in Christian circles). I also asked her about her thoughts on the over-sexualization of women and her best dating tips. Here are some highlights we discussed in this episode.   Finding Your Purpose as a Single Woman Similar to what our guest Vernicia Eure shared on episode 32- The Art of Becoming Happily Single, Ms. Maebelle advised women who are waiting to be married (or at least waiting to find the right man) should busy themselves with a purpose. Don’t just stand around, aimlessly doing nothing. Be busy. She took us to the book of Ruth in the Bible and explained how Ruth busied herself enough to catch the attention of Boaz. John Sims, from episode 31- 5 Qualities Single Men Look for in a Single Woman brought this point home as well. Ladies, listen up. Being focused on your goals, passions, and pursuits is highly attractive to a secure and responsible man.   Is Modest Hottest? There was a phrase back in the day (speaking of old-school relationship advice) that suggested “modest is hottest.” Basically, modesty is the highest form of hotness. While the word “modest” carries some baggage, I do believe that women shouldn’t bear all their goods to just anyone. Ms. Maebelle reminded us that men have good imaginations, and they like a little bit of mystery when it comes to a woman. Most respectable men do not want the woman they are looking to settle down with to dress too provocatively. But even if he does, ladies, there is something really intriguing about a woman who carries herself well and leaves some things to the imagination.   Cooking, Cleaning, and Bearing Children, Oh My! Old-school relationship advice wouldn’t be complete without a laundry list of all the things women should be doing in the house, primarily the kitchen. Ms. Maebelle believes that women need to know how to cook and clean to win a husband. I pushed back on this a bit because in my marriage, both my husband and I share household responsibilities. Still, there are some who are more traditional, and keeping a clean house is a good thing every adult (male or female) should learn to do, in my opinion.   Best and Worst Relationship Advice We ended the podcast by discussing some of the best and worst relationship advice Ms. Maebelle had given and received. Her answers were pretty hilarious. What’s the best and worst relationship advice you’ve ever received? The thing that I love about older people is they shoot from the hip. Most don’t mince words, but rather they tell it like it is. Although this episode was all in fun, Ms. Maebelle did drop some truth bombs. Let me encourage you at this time to spend time, if possible, with your grandparents. They are deep wells of wisdom and give some of the greatest, most practical relationship advice you’ll hear, especially if they themselves have a solid relationship.   Links Mentioned in this Episode   Follow Ms. Maebelle on Facebook       SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show

How Guys Think – A Single Man Bares All   I’m often asked by single women listeners of the podcast “what do single men think about?” Does he really not understand the female mind? Why won’t he commit? How do I know if he’s really into me? Questions about how guys think abound (a quick Google search will affirm this) and compelled me to invite my guest, Avery Martin, to the podcast today. I wanted to go straight to the source to find out how guys think. Avery is an everyday man who is very intentional about how he does relationships and what he’s looking for in a woman. Avery allowed us a peek into the mind of the single man to hopefully shed some light on just how single men think.   Why Don’t Men Share Their Feelings?   Many women want to know why it’s so hard for men to open up and share their feelings. We know that men have emotions, but many seem to have trouble letting us in to their heart. Avery offered great insight by explaining that if a man doesn’t feel safe to share, or if he feels what he shares will be thrown back at him later, he’ll never open up. I asked what the fear behind the man not opening up, and Avery shared that it is partially due to culture telling men they have to be strong, but it’s also that some men don’t know how to process their emotions within themselves, therefore, they can’t share them with a woman they’re in a relationship with. We also talked about how guys think about being intimidated by women, especially since I just focused on this topic in my last episode with Mandy Hale.   What Does Equality in Relationships Look Like to You?   When it comes to relationship roles, some men are more traditional, while other men are more progressive. I wanted to know Avery’s take on how guys think equality in relationships should look like. He stated that in dating relationships, equality is most demonstrated in the level of effort each partner initiates. It’s no secret that most women love to be pursued by their men. However, according to Avery, she should still make a genuine effort in the relationship as well. One of the tricky parts is that everyone seems to have a different definition of dating, which can obviously cause communication problems and disappointments and can lead to folks finding themselves in “situationships” they never intended on being in.   Is He Really Interested?   Most of us have seen the hit movie He’s Just Not That Into You (2009). Sadly, because some men have led women on with no intention of commitment, many women are still asking this question of the men they’re dating. Just recently, a woman emailed me to ask if she should move on or continue dating a man who is giving her mixed signals about their relationship. Avery didn’t mince words here: basically, he says, if a man is interested in a woman, she will know it. He will make his intentions known. This is going to be a hard pill for some ladies to swallow because many men give off mixed signals. However, ladies, take this advice to heart. Stop pining over a man who isn’t letting his intentions be clearly known.   Maintaining Celibacy in Your Singleness   Avery shared some very practical steps he takes in his quest to maintain celibacy in his singleness. I thought this part of the conversation on how guys think was really helpful to those who also want to devote their attention to other things than sex. It takes a lot of focus and effort, Avery said, but it also keeps a lot of problems and unnecessary ties to people at bay. While not all Christian singles are practicing celibacy, many are. Avery brought up the term “delayed gratification,” which is so important to cultivate in these conversations.   Some helpful tips on how to maintain celibacy: Surround yourself with a support group who you can be accountable to and encouraged by. Find something else to divert your “energy.” Be careful about the music, movies, and other media you consume. Date other singles who have the same value for sexual integrity that you do.   Listen to the full podcast and hear Avery explain how guys think about “short-term fun” girls and so much more by clicking on the player above.   Links Mentioned in this Episode Find Avery on Instagram   Register for My Upcoming Boundaries Workshop     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, <a href='https://open.spotify.

Finding Love Without Losing Yourself (Single AF Series) – with Mandy Hale   For singles looking for love, the dating scene can be a doozy. Online dating is at an all-time high, and while many singles are out here interviewing spouses, others are quite content in “situationships” that lead to nowhere. The Single Woman, herself, Mandy Hale is on the podcast today and wants to help you singles to find love without losing yourself. Her latest book, Don’t Believe the Swipe: Finding Love Without Losing Yourself isn’t just a dating manual; it’s a self-love manual for single people. Mandy is a New York Times Best-Selling author and social media powerhouse. She has appeared on Oprah’s Lifeclass Tour, spoken at Women of Faith and TD Jake’s Woman Thou Art Loosed!   Mandy shares candid dating stories that will leave you bewildered at the brazenness of some of her suitors. But she seems to take it all in stride. She’s been doing this dating thing long enough to know that not every connection is a love connection, and she’s okay with that. Mandy reminds us that dating is supposed to be fun; it’s supposed to be a way of learning about people and yourself. Thus, she knows how to help singles recover from the constant pressure of what she calls “the swipe.”   Don’t Believe the Swipe Mandy explains that the swipe is the incessant pressure put on singles to measure their worth by their relationship status. If a single woman is worried about why she isn’t being matched with more people on the online dating apps, or if a single man is focused on the next woman while in a relationship with someone else, they’re believing the swipe. Dating can be very superficial, and singles can find themselves getting too caught up in their heads, wondering why they’re being ghosted or rejected. They can internalize other people’s reactions to the point of beginning to feel negative about themselves.   Dating isn’t just about being matched with someone. It’s about learning to love yourself and being confident in who you are. That’s what finding love without losing yourself is all about.   Reclaiming the Joy of the Single Life We’ve talked about finding joy in the single life on other podcast episodes, namely the episode on In-Between Relationships. There is nothing wrong with being single. Not. One. Thing. Instead of constantly searching for “the one,” Mandy encourages singles to focus on being the one, but not for someone else. Be the one for you. Enjoy this stage of your life. Cherish it. The Apostle Paul says in I Corinthians 7:7, “Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others” (The Message).   Churches can help singles to feel more comfortable and connected, and both Many and I had some great ways to make this happen.   The Intimidation Factor If you are a successful, confident, single woman, you’ve maybe heard a man tell you that you’re “intimidating.” Mandy dedicates and entire chapter in her book to this topic, and we also addressed it at length on the podcast. In a nutshell, a guy telling a girl she’s intimidating is an excuse. “If a guy is truly meant for you, nothing is going to be able to keep him away,” Mandy says. With that in mind, it should take some of the pressure off of finding love. Ladies, you are not too much. You do not need to dumb yourself down, dim your light, or commit any other acts of sacrifice against yourself. If a man can’t handle your awesomeness, tell him to keep it moving.   This was a great conversation with Mandy, and I’m grateful to have had her on the show!   Notable Moments in the Podcast   [9:15]: An in-depth definition of “the swipe”   [15:25]: Instead of asking if he/she likes you, do you even like him/her?   [20:42]: Finding joy in the single life   [23:04]: How churches can do better at celebrating single people   [28:29]: The myth of the intimidation factor   [36:20]: What keeps a man away if he’s into you   [37:00]: Some modern dating definitions   Links Mentioned in this Episode   Mandy Hale’s Website   Follow Mandy (@TheSingleWoman) on Instagram and Twitter   Purchase Mandy’s Book: Don’t Believe the Swipe: Finding Love Without Losing Yourself   Register for My Upcoming Boundaries Wor