How Guys Think – A Single Man Bares All (Single AF Series) - with Avery Martin

I’m often asked by single women listeners of the podcast “what do single men think about?” Does he really not understand the female mind? Why won’t he commit? How do I know if he’s really into me? Questions about how guys think abound (a quick Google search will affirm this) and compelled me to invite my guest, Avery Martin, to the podcast today. I wanted to go straight to the source to find out how guys think. Avery is an everyday man who is very intentional about how he does relationships and what he’s looking for in a woman. Avery allowed us a peek into the mind of the single man to hopefully shed some light on just how single men think.

Many women want to know why it’s so hard for men to open up and share their feelings. We know that men have emotions, but many seem to have trouble letting us in to their heart. Avery offered great insight by explaining that if a man doesn’t feel safe to share, or if he feels what he shares will be thrown back at him later, he’ll never open up. I asked what the fear behind the man not opening up, and Avery shared that it is partially due to culture telling men they have to be strong, but it’s also that some men don’t know how to process their emotions within themselves, therefore, they can’t share them with a woman they’re in a relationship with. We also talked about how guys think about being intimidated by women, especially since I just focused on this topic in my last episode with Mandy Hale.

When it comes to relationship roles, some men are more traditional, while other men are more progressive. I wanted to know Avery’s take on how guys think equality in relationships should look like. He stated that in dating relationships, equality is most demonstrated in the level of effort each partner initiates. It’s no secret that most women love to be pursued by their men. However, according to Avery, she should still make a genuine effort in the relationship as well. One of the tricky parts is that everyone seems to have a different definition of dating, which can obviously cause communication problems and disappointments and can lead to folks finding themselves in “situationships” they never intended on being in.

Most of us have seen the hit movie He’s Just Not That Into You (2009). Sadly, because some men have led women on with no intention of commitment, many women are still asking this question of the men they’re dating. Just recently, a woman emailed me to ask if she should move on or continue dating a man who is giving her mixed signals about their relationship. Avery didn’t mince words here: basically, he says, if a man is interested in a woman, she will know it. He will make his intentions known. This is going to be a hard pill for some ladies to swallow because many men give off mixed signals. However, ladies, take this advice to heart. Stop pining over a man who isn’t letting his intentions be clearly known.

Avery shared some very practical steps he takes in his quest to maintain celibacy in his singleness. I thought this part of the conversation on how guys think was really helpful to those who also want to devote their attention to other things than sex. It takes a lot of focus and effort, Avery said, but it also keeps a lot of problems and unnecessary ties to people at bay. While not all Christian singles are practicing celibacy, many are. Avery brought up the term “delayed gratification,” which is so important to cultivate in these conversations.

1. Surround yourself with a support group who you can be accountable to and encouraged by.
2. Find something else to divert your “energy.”
3. Be careful about the music, movies, and other media you consume.
4. Date other singles who have the same value for sexual integrity that you do.

Listen to the full podcast and hear Avery explain how guys think about “short-term fun” girls and so much more by clicking on the player above.

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