Love Is Not Easily Angered (Love Is... Series)

Are you someone who is easily angered? Or, maybe, you are in a relationship with someone who is. Either way, this episode is going to be very beneficial for you. Today we are talking about the damages of anger in relationships and how anger, a natural emotion, can sometimes get the best of us. I know it can be a very difficult thing to deal with someone who is always angry.

Love is not easily angered. If we are going to be people of love, we are going to be people who need to address our anger issues. Struggling with anger in marriages and relationships can be very shameful at times, so it’s important to understand why we get angry. What is anger? Can anger ever be beneficial? If so, how?

Anger is always a secondary emotion. When you get angry, what is the first emotion you feel? For me, it’s usually fear or feeling out of control. Anger is often triggered when you are feeling emotions of disrespect. This can often show up in families when you ask your children to do something and they don’t listen. When feelings of anger arise in you, it is possible to slow down and try to understand where that emotion is coming from. Instead of jumping to anger and lashing out, you can choose to slow down and recognize that maybe you are feeling hurt or upset.

Angry outbursts are a true sign that there is some healing that needs to be done. Anger is a light that shows you that you need to start owning your own true emotions and communicating your needs. Ask yourself What is this anger covering up? What am I really feeling? Then deal with those emotions.

James 1:19 says, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” Oftentimes when we lash out in anger, we aren’t listening for the other person's perspective. When we lash out in anger, our mouths are running faster than our brains can catch up. This is why when we are angry, we often say things we don’t mean. 

When you are slow to speak, it will keep you from saying things in anger that you don’t mean. We are all going to experience anger at times, but it’s our choice to choose what we do with that anger. We get to choose if we are going to lash out or exercise self control. We get to choose if we are going to blame others for the way we feel, or reflect on our of actions and how we may be affecting the situation. 

I used to really struggle with anger. When I would get in my angry outbursts, the worst thing someone could do was to lash back. Typically, when you meet an angry person with the same energy, it will build the tension and anger in the air. The Bible says, in Proverbs 15:1, “A soft answer turns away wrath.” This doesn’t mean that you diminish yourself or allow people to abuse you. When you answer someone with a soft answer, and they are angry, it can be disorienting. Because when someone is in a volatile state, raging, and angry, and someone responds in a genuine, soft, respectful way, it’s almost discombobulating for the angry person. This can ease the tension and de-escalate the situation.

It’s easy to be angry, it’s much harder to say how you feel. We do not have to be controlled by anger. Anger doesn’t have to define who you are. Anger doesn't have to be something that you live in shame with for the rest of your life. The best thing I’ve done in my life is to expose the things I’ve struggled with. By bringing to light the pain that anger caused in my life, and taking responsibility for my actions without blaming anyone else, I was able to heal from anger and learn new ways to deal with my emotions. And, so can you, friend.

How to Love Your Spouse When You Don’t Like Your Spouse 

Control Anger Before It Controls You 

Connect with Me on Instagram @mrsdanache or @realrelationshiptalk .

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