Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

Episode Summary: In honor of International Happiness Day, join me as I sit down with Rev. Jessica Van Roekel to explore what it really means to count it all joy. As we reflect on personal experiences and biblical examples, we’ll highlight the distinction between circumstantial happiness and the deep, steadfast joy that comes from trusting God through trials. You’ll gain a deeper understanding of how joy can be a deliberate response to life’s challenges, cultivating faith and steadfastness. Whether you’re navigating hardship or seeking a renewed perspective, this conversation offers hope and encouragement to find joy in every circumstance. International Day of Happiness aims to make people around the world realize the importance of happiness within their lives. This day encourages people to spread happiness through a small action. But what happens when actions don’t cut it, and the feeling of happiness lasts mere seconds? What do we do when the idea of happiness seems far off and impossible? Quotables from the episode: I liken joy and happiness, the difference between that is that a river usually has a source. And A river can get filled up with mud and leaves and twigs and even beavers come along and build dams and so further on down the little stream, it's just dried up, rocky, dry bed. But if you follow that stream, you eventually come to the source and the source is where it just bubbles out. And that's how I liken happiness and joy is that joy is the source. My relationship with the Lord is my source of really life. It's my source of source of strength. It's my source of everything. The breath that I breathe comes from God and that is my joy. So, I can have these circumstances like postpartum where it felt like continue on with the analogy that streambed dried up. It's like the depression built this dam between the feelings of happiness and yet that joy, the source was still bubbling and still there. From a neuroscience perspective, happiness and joy engage the brain in distinct but overlapping ways. Both emotions activate reward systems in the brain, but their triggers, durations, and neural pathways differ significantly. Happiness is often a fleeting emotional state triggered by external stimuli or achievements, like eating a favorite meal, receiving a compliment, or reaching a goal. The brain's happiness response is typically short-lived, subsiding once the rewarding experience ends or the novelty wears off. Joy is a deeper, more enduring emotional state that often arises from intrinsic sources, such as gratitude, faith, or connection with others. Unlike happiness, it does not rely solely on external circumstances. Joy is more sustainable than happiness because it is less tied to transient external factors and more rooted in internal states like faith, gratitude, and meaningful relationships. Happiness primarily relies on external stimuli and rewards, triggering immediate but temporary dopamine release Joy emerges from internal processes and deeper reflections, engaging serotonin pathways and regions involved in emotional and existential meaning. Happiness is short-term, as the brain’s reward circuitry adapts quickly to pleasurable stimuli (a phenomenon called hedonic adaptation). Joy is longer-lasting, supported by neural circuits linked to emotional regulation, contentment, and resilience. Happiness can be disrupted by stress, as the brain's focus shifts to managing perceived threats. Joy can coexist with stress, as it often stems from a sense of purpose or faith that provides emotional resilience during trials. Happiness happens to us while joy happens within us—fruit of the Spirit, a choice, endures hardships/sufferings. Happiness is a reaction but joy is a practice and a behavior, deliberate and intentional. In the Bible, happiness appears less than 30 times but joy appears hundreds of times. Counting it all joy when we face trials means we: experience God’s strength, feel the power of faith, hang on God’s powerful arm, and witness God’s work. When we “count it all joy” God proves himself faithful to produce steadfastness in our hearts. Scripture References: James 1:2-4, ESV “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And Let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” Esther 8:16, NIV

Episode Summary: Mothers of children with special needs experience a wide range of emotions: fear, disappointment, guilt, grief, despair. They have a yearning for relief but often feel isolated and inadequate as they look at the parenting experience of others. As you pour your energy and resources into raising a special needs child, it’s easy to struggle with feelings of isolation, competition, and overwhelm. For the special needs mom who yearns for community and support on what can be a lonely road, my guest, Carrie Holt, wants to remind you that you are not alone, your best IS good enough, and even on the hard days, there are blessings to be had. In honor of Developmental Disabilities Awareness Month, we’re sharing how to find hope and flourish when parenting a special needs child. Quotables from the episode: I have seen how families lose hope, feel strung out, and all alone living this life of being in and out of the hospital. From the time my son was around 20 months of age, I began volunteering at our local children’s hospital and have been passionate about encouraging others ever since. I was joyfully expecting our third child when at a 20 week ultrasound, our doctor told us something was wrong with the baby. We learned he had Myelomeningocele (Spina Bifida) and Hydrocephalus and would require two life-saving surgeries the first day of his life, with one following a few days later. I read a lot about his condition, grieved, and then planned – trying to control everything. It wasn’t until the last few years, that I have truly grieved that, and have been learning to live in the tension of lament. My son ended up being admitted for 64 days, 30 of those in the PICU. He came home with a trach, ventilator, and g-tube with 16 hours a day/7 days a week of home nursing care. He’s been in and out of the hospital repeatedly and to date has had 64 surgeries. The life of parenting a special needs child is continual, so we are all learning to live in the tension of our kids not being healed and how God is with us in all of this. I’m learning that it’s okay to feel disappointed, to lament that to God, and grieve the hard moments of realizing that my son isn’t going to be like other kids. I’m also trying to help him navigate life’s hard questions: “Why did God allow this? Why didn’t he heal me?” His complex emotions, doubts, and anger over being in a wheelchair has been really hard for us. Do not be afraid of grief. Sometimes we feel like it’s going to drown us, but it’s so important to take our messy emotions to God. It’s okay to take our messy emotions to God – even anger, doubt, and fear, but it’s actually essential to our relationship with God and how He meets us there. Emotions aren’t something we get over, they continually come up again and again, but we’ve learned some strategies to deal with them. Gratefulness, getting quiet, and lament are just a few. I think for me personally, it is learning to take this one day at a time, crying out in the pain when it’s there, and then also remembering that God is in control. It’s also just looking for the little gifts of hope and joy that he gives us on a daily basis. Probably the biggest thing has just been his presence and knowing him in a way that I had not known him if I wasn’t in this. As difficult as pain and suffering is, God has showed me his character and his presence and sometimes it's just that perspective shift of Lord show me you, instead of my eyes being on my pain and my suffering, show me how you've prepared me for this, show me your character, show me your glory, show me your comfort. Jesus wants to be present in your pain. Scripture References: Psalm 40:1-3 ESV I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD. Lamentations 3:21-26, ESV But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. Recommended Resources: The Other Side of Special, Navigating the Messy,

Episode Summary: In celebration of International Women’s Day, a time to honor the achievements and contributions of women across the globe, this episode of Your Hope-Filled Perspective shines a light on some of the most inspiring women in the Bible. From Leah’s resilience in the face of rejection to Deborah’s fearless leadership, these women modeled faith and hope that transcend time and culture. As we explore their lives, we are reminded that the greatest advocate for equality and empowerment is Jesus, whose grace offers freedom to live courageously and faithfully. Join me with Rev. Jessica Van Roekel as we reflect on these timeless examples of strength and hope, and learn how they inspire us to live with faith and purpose today. Quotables from the episode: The greatest proponent of equality is Jesus, and we can only know the kind of freedom he brings when we receive his saving grace and live for him. He broke barriers between humanity and God, people groups, and genders. It’s when we live apart from him that we experience disparity. We're all equivalent at the foot of the cross and we can really only know the kind of freedom he brings when we receive his saving grace and live for him. You know Jesus broke barriers between humanity and God between people groups and genders and it's when we live apart from him that we really experience disparity. We can trace that through the old and new Testament. In fact, some influential and powerful women throughout the Bible are, you mentioned her Leah, she stayed strong through heartache and rejection. We had Jacobad, the mother of Moses, Abra led Israelites as a judge and prophetess for 40 years. Esther had the courage to say yes to God and in doing so she saved her people. Mary the mother of Jesus shows us how to have the courage to surrender completely. Then we have Ruth and Mary Bethany. These women were in a very male dominated society but God elevated them to positions of leadership. Sarah became my example of faith in the face of fear. She messed up and I messed up. And I think that's what I love so much about her is because she messed up royally. I mean, she created a whole mess with Ishmael and Isaac. She couldn't wait for God to fulfill his promise to her. And yet he did eventually, but she made this big mess. And yet she's still touted as a woman of faith in the Hall of, you know, Hebrews 11, the Hall of Fame chapter. She is our example of not to give into fear. And I think it's because of her faith, even in the midst of making so many mistakes. I would have to say that one of the women in the Bible who has inspired me the most was the woman at the well. You know, she lived a rejected life. She lived her life apart from other people. She had plenty of sins where she had messed up and yet I love that scripture says that Jesus had to go that way. He had to encounter her. And when he talked about her sin, it wasn't in a demeaning way, but it was to let her know, "Oh, I know so much more, and yet I'm still here with you. I'm still going against societal norms to have a conversation with you." And he revealed himself to her as Messiah and gave her hope to the point that she left and went and told people that she had met the Messiah. And so that's such a good example for me because I don't know about you, but when I've messed up, sometimes I don't even wanna go to God and tell Him, but He already knows. He already knows and it's a safe place. Jesus validated her when he said, "Go in peace. Your faith has made you well." In that, he gave her back her identity. He esteemed her. He loved her. And we don't even know her name, Jessica, but her story encourages us today and it encourages me to keep pursuing after Jesus when I've tried everything else. Jesus is the one place I need to go. Oh, yes. She is a wonderful example of we can feel so set aside. Unseen. Unseen. Rejected. And yet God elevated her. He saw her. He called her to go go into the fact that she believed that Jesus was her only hope and she pushed against the crowd. Leadership doesn't always mean, it doesn't always mean leading your family. It doesn't always mean leading in business. I think leadership, if we expand on that concept, means using our gifts to influence. And our gifts might be the gift of hospitality. It might be the gift of mercy. It might be the gift of compassion or encouragement, but when we use our God -given gifts to influence others, that is assuming a leadership role. Since Old Testament times, the idea of setting boundaries between men and women has been challenged. God has always placed women in leadership positions. Influential and powerful women exist throughout the Bible. Some inspiring women of the Bible include: Leah—strong through heartache and rejection Jochebed&mda

Episode Summary: When alcohol addiction enters a family, it can bring heartache, uncertainty, and difficult choices. Sonja Meyrer shares her deeply personal journey of navigating her husband’s battle with alcohol addiction and his tragic loss. Through grief and unanswered questions, she discovered God’s presence in the midst of pain. Now, she helps others find healing, set healthy boundaries, and move forward with faith. If you're struggling with the effects of addiction in your family, this conversation offers encouragement and practical wisdom. Quotables from the episode: The word redemption really resonates because I believe that as Christ followers, nothing is wasted. Jesus had to have his scars in his resurrected body to prove that he was who he said he was and that he had done what he said he would do. So his scars are beautiful, and so are ours. Frequently our greatest areas of ministry come out of our greatest pain and woundedness. About twenty years into our marriage, the disease of alcohol addiction showed up. It wasn’t something I was familiar with—it was not present in my family growing up. Anyone who has suffered the effects of addiction can tell you that there is a day when “something is different.” On that day when something changed, I realized I was really in over my head. Especially as a spouse, who was raising children, I had to ask how do I fit into this. We say “in sickness and in health,” and that is true, but how do I protect myself and my kids? I didn’t start my career thinking, “I’d love to be an addiction specialist!” I don’t think anyone starts off that way. But it is my greatest honor and joy to sit with other people as a coach to find their own God-given hope and peace regardless of the choices of other people. Now I get to share out of my own experience how I navigated that time. When we will change the verbiage from “I have to” to “I get to,” first, that puts more control back into our hands in otherwise powerless situations, and, it gives us a more hope-filled perspective. So often, the ministries that many of us have are not ministries we would have asked for or signed up for but that is the goodness of God to bring you to the place where you can say “it’s my honor and privilege to walk with others.” The difference between those who stay angry and disgruntled versus those who say, “okay God, what do you have for me?” is operating from a place of surrender. Along the way, I had to learn to let go. I learned to say, “Even if, God, this all falls apart, you are still good, and I will still find my way forward.” I no longer hold onto what I think the future should look like. Instead, I say, “wherever you lead me is a good place to go.” In the letting go, it gives God the freedom to work his will, his way, and his timing. Unfortunately, my spouse fell into a deep depression and after a few years made the regretful decision to end his life. As a Christian spouse, I had to navigate the questions, “God why didn’t you heal him?” and at the same time, wondering, did I do everything well? Did I do it all right? The process of trying to learn how to honor the dignity of his suffering and yet still finding joy and happiness in my own life, was a process that takes some time. But I do believe that God can give us true joy from knowing He’s on our side if we’re willing to let go of our expectations of what we think life is supposed to be like. Some of us fall under faulty theology and think that if we’re doing the right things, we won’t experience suffering but that isn’t at all what Jesus told us. He said “in this world, you will experience trouble/suffering/pain, BUT take heart, I have overcome the world.” He also said, “If you’re going to follow me, you are going to suffer.” When I can get to the place that I can say, “This is for you to handle, God” it goes so much better. We say in the recovery community that “expectation is the root of all suffering.” Where we can live a life where are hands are truly open and we can say to God, “This is what I want…however, make me an instrument” and not be disgruntled and not get discouraged, it goes so much better. I’m grateful for Jesus’s example. In the garden before His death, Jesus cried out to God, “I don’t want to do this…if there is any other way please show me” but then he came back to the point of submission and surrender where he said “but I want your will more than I want min

Episode Summary: In this episode of Your Hope Filled Perspective, we honor National Caregivers Month by shining a light on the often unseen challenges and rewards of care-giving. Whether you’re a caregiver yourself or know someone who is, this conversation will provide encouragement, practical tips, and faith-based hope to navigate the emotional, physical, and spiritual toll of caregiving. Carole Leathem and I discuss the misconceptions about caregiving, the importance of self-care, and ways communities can better support caregivers. Join us as we explore how faith and community can sustain caregivers through their most challenging moments while also revealing the unexpected blessings caregiving can bring. Quotables from the episode: There are 55 million caregivers in the world. Caregiving often comes with, as you've alluded to, a range of emotions. You called it a roller coaster of emotions, which I think is a beautiful picture of just exactly what's that like. It comes with grief, it comes with guilt. Sometimes it even comes with resentment. How can caregivers process these feelings in a healthy way? Well, for me, it really boils down to what I call asking the right questions. Because early on, I was asking, why in the heck is this happening? What did I do to cause this? I would cry out to God and say, why are you allowing this? I would say all of these why, why, why, why, why questions. And the why questions would get me nowhere. And one day, God, in my quiet time, said to me, “Carol, you're asking the wrong question.” And the question I needed to be doing asking was “okay this is happening, now what?” What I have now done is, I have taken the focus off the why which is the focus on me and what I'm going through and what I'm feeling now I'm not diminishing those emotions but when I am focused on me and my hurt and my pain and my resentment, then I'm not doing anything to get myself off that hamster wheel or that roller coaster. When I ask the right question, which is, I make a statement to God, “okay, this is happening. Now, what?” Then I can take a step back, my eyes are us back on God. My heart is now open to the mistakes that I'm making. And the emotions now can one by one be dealt with. How do I deal with the resentment? Well, when I say to “God, you know, I didn't sign up for this.” God says to me, “Oh girl, yeah, you did. Remember those vows that you took 48 years ago.” And I'm like, yeah, you're right. And all that does is it just kind of puts it back into a perspective, because the perspective of focusing on me is not as healthy as the perspective of focusing on God. God didn't answer Job. When Job said why, God had something else for Job to learn. And when you say now what that offers God the opportunity to teach you either something about yourself, something about your spouse, or something about him. Yeah,… those are hard fought lessons. But I'm convinced that sometimes the only way we learn those lessons is walking through the hard times. I agree. I agree with you 100%. “ I have this space created so that when I walk into this room, it's me. It's my safe place. It's my place where I do my quiet time. It's my place where I work. It's my place where I do my podcasts. It's where I do everything in this room. I had to create a space. And fortunately, I had a room that I could do that with. So I come in here and if life is particularly hard, I have to tell myself 15 minutes is not going to change anything outside these walls, but it can make a big difference in me. We make time for the things that are important. We can always find time if we make it important enough. The real bottom line is, and I deal with a lot of caregivers, we make time for what's important, and that is the honest truth. … we can always find time if we make it important enough. So we have to make it important. And I hope that you're listening because that is such a valuable nugget because we really do make time for what's important. The number of times that I hear people say, oh, I just don't have time. You know, we all have 24 hours in a day, And we are all going to spend every minute of those 24 hours, but we will spend it on what we deem is important. And so if your loved one that you are caring for, if you deem them as important, you need to also deem your own self -care as important. You can still experience joy even in the midst of sorrow. It comes down to perspective and how we’re looking at it. It’s not about me, even though it feels like it’s about me. We have to know our limits. There are some things when we’re dealing with caregiving there’s things I can do, and then there’s things I can’t do. The hardest thing is to understand

Episode Summary:  In this heartwarming episode of Your Hope-Filled Perspective, we explore how to love God, yourself, and others as I welcome author Rachael Adams. We discuss why she wrote her devotional, Everyday Prayers for Love, and what she learned while writing it. Inspired by a moment in a church pew, Rachael shares how God called her to be His “love offering” and to help others experience His transforming love. In this episode, we explore biblical love, the importance of accepting God’s love, and practical ways to love ourselves and others. With insights on prayer and purpose, this conversation invites listeners to discover how to start living out God’s love in everyday life. Quotables from the episode: The biggest battle has always been maybe striving for approval and striving for acceptance and for love. I grew up in a divorced home and my earthly father was not around much. And so I think I just always wanted just to be seen and known and loved. And So, I went in search of that. I'm so scared to disappoint anybody. I’m very much a people-pleaser, and so to really start to learn of God's love and experience that from my heavenly father has just really shaped the person I am and changed everything. It changed the trajectory of my life. And now I just want to share that with the world around me. Our early experiences, before we're even really cognitively aware of what's going on or what God has to say about it, really does shape our perspective and how we look at God, at the world, and ourselves. So how we’re living our faith maybe is different, but our goal is all the same. What does the Bible teach us about both the nature and the characteristic of love? After I had my son, I really believe that as God was teaching me how to become a mother, he was also teaching me how he was my father. And I believe that as I was holding my son, God was really holding me. He can use us flawed humans to be an expression of his love to others. The greatest act of love was that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us! That’s why he came to save us. He knew we weren’t perfect and that we needed him. It’s so important for us to be filled with God’s love first, to have anything to give to others. Scripture talks about the fullness of God. So what are we watching? What are we reading? Who are we surrounding ourselves with? What are the words that are on repeat? Nothing else in the world will satisfy but Christ himself. When we receive God’s love, there’s a freedom in that, and a security in that. There’s the saying that there’s nothing that we can do to make God love us any more, and there’s nothing that we can do to make God love us any less, and we don’t have to work for it. Scripture References: Matthew 22:36-40 “’Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?’ Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and without all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Ephesians 3:17-19 “And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,…grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and…know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” 1 John 4:19 encourages, “I pray this not just for your sake, but also so that you may extend this newfound love to others. Afterall, ‘We love you because he first loved us.” Romans 8:39 “…No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”   Recommended Resources:  Everyday Prayers for Love: Learning to Love God, Others, and Even Yourself by Rachael Adams  A Little Goes a Long Way: 52 Days to a Significant Life by Rachael Adams www.millionprayingmoms.com/the-think-pray-praise-method-of-daily-prayer Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your P

Episode Summary:  When you marry, your heart overflows with enthusiasm, exhilaration, and optimism. You can’t wait to start a new life with this one whose mere presence or voice causes an abundance of feel-good neurotransmitters to your brain. But soon after, differences in temperament, gender, family of origin, and marital expectations collide. You discover that the characteristics and behaviors you once found attractive in your mate, are now sources of irritation and frustration. Conflict erupts, causing reactivity in your temperament to surface more often. Before long, your dialogue degrades with frequent accusations and debates about perspective. The enemy in this fight isn’t your spouse. Unmanaged reactivity, those involuntary and unregulated reactive messages you inadvertently send your spouse when you’re triggered is the culprit. Today, Dr. Donald Welch joins me to talk about how to recognize reactivity, understand its origin and work together to eliminate it, learning to respond rather than react in our marriages. Quotables from the episode: The enemy is not your spouse. Our temperament is really the way God made us. And so understanding how we are made allows us to become more comfortable and really at peace with who we are and who we are not, because we're created in God's image. And as we embrace our natural temperament, we are then in a better position to also accept and embrace our spouses temperament rather than trying to change them into someone they aren't. Before marriage, there's a tendency to attract to the opposite and after marriage to attack that opposite when it's really one of our best friends in a healthy marriage. So, as we learn more about our temperament, we can focus on enhancing our strengths and minimizing our weaknesses. The way God made us is to be able to protect ourselves. So for example, if I were to touch or you were to touch something hot, your hand or my hand would react before the brain knows it's hot. It's a way to protect ourselves. So what happens with the limbic system is that we can have all sorts of reactions. Like for example, if I squint my eyes, the other person or we're having dialogue, you might involuntarily react to it. Or if somebody screams or you hear something sharp, you might have a reaction to be awakened to see, do I need to take care of something? So we have hundreds of these normal reactions, and I've seen it for 40 years in marriages, in the sense of working with couples, that they will tend to react to each other before they're aware and then they're off to the races, and it's difficult to decrease that. So I define reactivity as involuntary, unconscious thought, uncontrolled relationship, impeding behaviors that originate from the feeling part of our brain known as the limbic system. We can have these involuntary reactions in a marriage that actually set up the marriage for difficulty. So since these originate from the feeling part of the brain rather than the thinking part of the brain, they're largely outside of our conscious awareness, so it can make it insidious to the relationship. So we want awareness. Is it possible that we react to present conflict even based out of past wounds in other relationships? - Oh yes, that's very common. In fact, it's why unfortunately, second marriages move up to about 80 % of potentially divorce because they're bringing in those reactions. In my opinion, those reactions, and there's what I believe support this, is that those reactions are coming into the relationship. And so now that person reminds me of something from the past. That's why those first eight years of life for any child are incredibly important because we are, the way our brains design, we absorb emotion and then that emotion can stay with us and then we can practice it without even knowing and then it's a reaction into adulthood. You suggest that the greater a couple's differences, the more likely their marriage will be to succeed. And that's not what society typically says, so help us understand that a bit. Yes, that's a fascinating concept that really God created the opposite, man and woman. And may I just quickly tie into this idea of wounds and how it may impact your current question because many people believe that their past is the past and it does not affect them now. Others may believe that their past can affect them but they think they have dealt with it and it is now irrelevant. The truth is emotions never forget. There is nothing ambiguous about marriage in the Bible. It is far superior to any other permutation—offering stability for kids, security for spouses, and higher rates of happiness overall. Intimacy only exists in an environment filled with trust and loyalty. Intimacy can be defined as a close relationship that does not operate at the expense of the self, with a self that does not operate at the expense of

Episode Summary:  We've all had moments where we look back on a conflict, shake our heads, and think, why did I handle it that way? With three decades of ministry experience, Donna Jones has had a front-row seat to--and been in the middle of--all kinds of conflict and she understands the regret, guilt, heartache, and hurt conflict can produce. But she also knows it's possible for God to use those chaotic, painful moments and turn them into opportunities for better connection with those around us.  Whether you are dealing with daily disagreements or occasional blowups, our discussion on how to handle conflict will offer you a new paradigm, one where you learn how to honor God when you've been hurt, communicate when you'd rather retaliate, and move toward others when it seems easier to run away. Have you ever looked back on a conflict and wished you'd handled it better? Donna Jones shares wisdom on how to handle conflict with humility, communicating effectively, and honoring God in tough moments. Learn how to turn conflict into an opportunity for growth and connection.   Quotables from the episode: Conflict actually serves as a platform for personal development. During that difficult season, I had to come to terms with something. I would have nodded and given an intellectual ascent to this truth that I'm about to say, but I didn't yet have to really live it. And that is that you cannot change another person. You can only change yourself.” You cannot change another person. You can only change yourself. I need to stop focusing and obsessing over the other people and start really assessing myself and how I'm dealing with this, that's when breakthroughs started to happen. I grew in my relationship with the Lord because I really got to the point where I had to invite God into this and just say, God, this hurts. I invite you into this pain. I had to search the scriptures and go, I can't do anything about them, but I am responsible for handling my side of the to your word. Even in the worst-case scenario, when there's not reconciliation in a conflict, there can be personal growth. Because you surrender and you start to go, okay, Lord, I, this is where I really am putting my faith into practice in the really hard stuff of life. What is the single most important quality necessary for handling conflict in a healthy way? And why is that important? There actually is one single thing that if this piece is missing, you cannot handle conflict in a healthy way. It's that important. And interestingly, Michelle, you brought up Romans 8:28. God causes all things together for the good, for those who love him, for those who are called according to his purpose, but Romans 8:29 is, for whom those he foreknew, he predestined to become conformed to the image of Christ. So how he works things out is he causes us to be more Christ -like. And that one quality that you cannot handle conflict well without is humility. And that's the mark of Jesus. Humility does not make us a doormat for exploitation. It makes us a doorway for conversation. You can still be angry and be humble. You can still speak your mind and voice your thoughts, feelings, and opinions, and be humble, right? You can still have boundaries and be humble, because biblically, humility is strength restrained. So, it comes from a place of strength. It doesn't come from a place of weakness. And see, when I allow myself just to be humiliated, that comes from a place where I don't have a voice. I don't have, you know, it's a place of weakness, not strength. But if I am choosing to be humble, that is me making a choice to restrain myself. "At its root, all conflict is really a power struggle." So, think about that, whether it's your toddler or your teenager or your teammate at work, when there's conflict at its root, it's really a power struggle, right? So, who's gonna get their way? Whose voice gets heard? Whose opinion is validated? Who, you know, it's a power struggle. So, what ends up happening is that when conflict escalates, we're vying for power. You know “you listen to me. No, you listen to me. No, you listen to me. No, no, no, you listen to me, right?” It escalates. This is why that humility is like the key because humility doesn't play the power game. Humility takes the escalation and it deescalates it and that's why it is the superpower for handling conflict. There's a sweet spot in the middle where we're not avoiders or not attackers. We are addressers. And these are the people who actually go, okay, this is conflict. Avoiding it is not going to make it go away. It's still going to be there and it's still going to be eating me up inside. Here’s one that most people don’t think of, but it's particularly lethal, and that's being dismissive. So when another person approaches us with a concern, when we say things like

Episode Summary:  In the last episode, Jessica and I discussed managing seasonal affective disorder with faith and hope. We talked about what Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is, how to recognize it, and some practical strategies to cope with it. This week, we’re offering additional tips and strategies for coping with SAD. If you’re struggling with Seasonal Affective Disorder, these tips will help you find renewed strength and hope through practical, faith-filled strategies grounded in both Scripture and proven clinical insights. Learn how to care for your mind, body, and spirit while trusting God to meet you in your need. Quotables from the episode: Seasonal Affective Disorder is a mental health concern that typically shows up in the colder, darker winter months, linked to seasonal changes. Some common symptoms of seasonal affective disorder include fatigue or exhaustion, feelings of sadness, increased loneliness, discouragement, lack of motivation, decreased interest in previously enjoyable activities, change in appetite, and/or change in sleep patterns. If you’ve experienced more than a couple of these for more than a few weeks, you might be struggling with Seasonal Affective Disorder When we struggle with depression or other mental health disorders, it can impact our faith walk in our faith journey. We need to address mind, body, and soul, so we cannot leave out the spiritual aspect of our emotional struggles. When you’re in the middle of seasonal affective disorder, immerse yourself in Scripture somehow, whether you listen to it read to you through the YouVersion Bible app, or maybe You just camp out in Ephesians and you just reread that book through the month of January and then pick another book in the month of February. Worship music, that ministers to my heart in so many ways, especially when it's so hard to read. When I'm depressed, I find it hard to comprehend what I'm reading, but worship music penetrates all of that and I still feel touched and connected and I can praise God. Rest is so important for one thing because we can have a tendency to push and push and push and push especially during the holidays. We have mentioned this in previous episodes that a lot of us take on a lot of extra duties during the holidays, but nothing ever comes off our plate. So then we get to January and February, we feel depleted. We cannot continue to pour out of an empty cup. So we have to take time to physically rest, mentally rest, and spiritually rest to recharge. God wants us to take some time to rest. And the good news about that is that while we are resting in him, he's doing things in the background. We're not going to do anything important. So, if we could look at these wintering months with expectancy of what God's going to do, maybe they won't have such a downcast experience in our soul. It's also important to stay connected with friends and family. When I have been in the throes of SAD,  as an extrovert, it's tempting to withdraw because it just takes too much energy. But I know that I need to have interaction and even having 50 % of my family introverts, they still need social interaction just because you're an introvert doesn't mean that you're not social. It means how you rejuvenate your energy. But it's so important to keep reaching out to friends, to stay connected to family, and your faith community for support. Call a friend once a week. And if calling is too much, send them a text just saying, "Hey, thinking of you, I have found when I am in the depths, the darkness, I am encouraged, I can encourage myself when I reach out to someone else." And it doesn't have to be something major, it could just be say, "Hey, thinking of you, I saw this funny, funny meme and it made me think of you." That type of a thing. God plants the name of somebody in my heart to reach out to. And it's countless times when I've done that and they've responded that that was just what I needed or I needed to feel seen and you did that today. So if that inkling is there, that's probably the Holy Spirit putting them on your heart. When we're struggling with seasonal effective disorder, it is really easy to read into other people's motives and intentions. And we don't want them to do that to us. Exactly. Exactly. We also want you to stay attached to the vine. And as Jesus talks about, he is the vine, God is the vine keeper, and we are the branches. And when we are apart from the vine, we will bear no fruit. It can be really tempting when we're struggling with any degree of depression to pull back. - Yes. - To not pray. To give up our time in the word. We want to encourage you to immerse yourself. If you’re having a hard time remembering truth, ask the Holy Spirit to remind you of truth. That is his job. Jesus said he was going to send the Holy Spirit to remind us of all truth but

Episode Summary:  Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a subtype of depression characterized by recurrent episodes that occur at specific times of the year, most commonly during the fall and winter months. It is officially classified as a type of major depressive disorder with seasonal pattern in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5). If you struggle with seasonal depression during the winter months, know that you aren’t alone, and there is help. In this episode, Jessica and I discuss managing seasonal affective disorder: what it is, how to recognize it, and practical strategies to cope with it. Quotables from the episode: Seasonal Affective Disorder is a mental health concern that typically shows up in the colder, darker winter months, linked to seasonal changes. Up to 3% of the general population is prone to Seasonal Affective Disorder. But those who are prone to depression are 10-20 times more likely to experience Seasonal Affective Disorder. Some common symptoms of seasonal affective disorder include fatigue or exhaustion, feelings of sadness, increased loneliness, discouragement, lack of motivation, decreased interest in previously enjoyable activities, change in appetite, and/or change in sleep patterns. If you’ve experienced more than a couple of these for more than a few weeks, you might be struggling with Seasonal Affective Disorder. There are many contributors to seasonal affective disorder: Biologically, studies have proven that the changes in the amount of sunlight significantly impacts our hormones and our mood. There are psychological contributors to seasonal affective disorder: we have just come off the holidays where there’s so much to do that it’s difficult to maintain a consistent schedule. Often we skimp on eating nutritionally, we skimp on sleep because we need more time to get everything done. Then come January 2nd, we wonder “what now? What do I have to look forward to now?” Seasonal affective disorder can impact our ability to hear God’s voice. There are examples in the Bible that if we were to apply current clinical diagnostic criteria 2000 years ago, there are several who probably would have been diagnosed with depression: Jeremiah, Job, David. The winter months look so barren. Everything appears dead, but it’s not. It’s a season of wintering. If the land doesn’t have winter rest, the soil gets depleted. If we can look at SAD as a time of wintering and hold on to the fact that God does a mighty work even in the winter, it can give us hope and it can build our faith even when we are struggling with SAD.” During the wintering months, God is doing something even our outside environment looks like it’s dead. If we focus on the fact that life feels really dark when you struggle with seasonal affective disorder, but God is our light. John 1:5 “The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.” But when we’re struggling with seasonal affective disorder, it can feel like darkness has overcome us. For many who struggle with seasonal affective disorder, a light therapy lamp can be helpful because it mimics the sunshine we don’t get enough of during the winter months. You can sit in front of that light for 10-30 minutes a day while you’re reading, while you’re doing your quiet time in the morning, or have it next to you in the kitchen where you’re fixing a meal. Because seasonal affective disorder can have an impact physiologically on our body, it’s important during the winter months that we are still getting time outside, even when it’s not sunny. Research has shown that just taking a walk for 10-15 minutes outside significantly elevates mood. When it’s too cold to get outside, you can move with the sun through your house. Sit near a sunny window. During the winter months, it’s important to make sure you are getting enough vitamin D. During winter months, consider taking up a new hobby that would bring you joy. When I have too much time alone, I find myself in this weird cycle of knowing that I need to do, which is to go be by people, but not having the energy or motivation to go be by people. During the darker winter months, my daughter and I plan Saturday fun days. We made a list of things that we could do each Saturday through January and February so we’d have something to look forward to. They don’t have to cost any money. One Saturday it was “Let’s stay in our pajamas and watch morning movies.” One Saturday we did painting. You may not feel like you have the energy to exercise, so start small. Set a small goal of just 5 minutes, and over time you will find that that will give you more energy to exercise longer two or three days later. If you are suffering, cling to the Lord. He will guide your steps. He will walk you