Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

Episode Summary:  It’s human to have a picture, an expectation, in our mind of how life is going to go. But what do we do when our experience doesn’t match our expectations? My guest today, Julie Sunne, shares from her painful wounds of when life and parenthood didn’t go as she expected, having gone through five miscarriages and two children born with significant disabilities. But Julie also shares about the faithfulness of God and how she has seen Him redeem her pain and bring beautiful sacred scars from it.   Quotables from the episode: As a young wife, I experienced four miscarriages, and gave birth to four children, two of whom had disabilities: my oldest son was born with a disabled arm, our daughter was born with significant intellectual disabilities, and another son was born with learning disabilities. I expected my pregnancies and parenthood being textbook, and my view of God, since I viewed myself as a “good person,” I expected to have a “good life” so to speak. We often have this naïve expectation that if we do good, God will bless us. It’s not that he doesn’t bless us, but too often, we are expecting him to bless us in a certain way and it doesn’t always look like that. My wounds caused me to turn away from the source of all freedom. I was very angry and had a lot of bitterness which captured me and took me to a very dark place. I didn’t have peace, I didn’t have joy, and I didn’t know the freedom that Christ would give. My anger was largely toward God, although also toward my husband because we were grieving differently. We both needed to grow in our faith but were growing at different rates. I also had some guilt that I couldn’t save my baby, and that I had perhaps done something wrong. In my deepest depression, after a miscarriage, I didn’t want anything to do with God, and I didn’t want to get out of bed, I didn’t want people talking to me, and I didn’t want to hear from God. God exercises His sovereignty not based on what makes us comfortable but on what will edify and refine us. Looking back, I so clearly see how he used the most devastating things in my life to bring about such beauty and hope. I couldn’t be the parent I am now, I couldn’t be the caregiver I am now, without the trials I went through. One of the things I had to learn with my daughter was to accept the whole of who she is and not to separate her out from her disabilities. Looking to the future is a scary thing for us with our daughter, but I would be in a panic all the time if I didn’t know and had seen his faithfulness through all these years in the struggles and the valleys. God has allowed me to share my story to help others feel less alone in what they are experiencing. Since he has healed me, I’ve been able to draw strength from what I’ve gone through. I’ve been able to accept my daughter, draw strength from my daughter, and love her for who she is, and even learn from her. She has taught me so much like how to love and have compassion and empathy. Those are not that were inherent in me. The Lord used those wounds to make me a more beautiful person on the inside. I wouldn’t want to walk through what I walked through again but I can see so much beauty in what he’s done through it. He allows me to comfort others and reach out to others to make a difference and point them toward Him. Because He has created beauty on the inside, that is what spills over onto others when we get bumped and pressed. Whatever difficult situation we face, the God of the universe is in charge of it. Whether large issues or seemingly small ones, He knows what’s going on, and He has a plan. As the Sovereign, He is allowing the hardship in this season for a reason. We may not understand, but when we accept the mystery of the Divine Supreme Being, believing He has control over all and is never caught off guard, we can choose trust over worry. When something difficult happens in my life, God has to keep reminding me that it took me by surprise, but it didn’t take Him by surprise, and He already knows how He’s going to get me through it. What flipped the switch for me was taking my attention off my anger and putting it on the needs of my daughter; it gave me purpose and realizing apart from Him, I didn’t have the strength for that either. God showed me that I couldn’t fix my daughter the way I wanted to, and it made me put my eyes on Him. He created her, He knows her. When that realization came, that I had to surrender my strength to Him, surrender her, and surrender all my expectations to Him, I could begin to see that He was there all along. God is trustworthy. We can trust Him even when we can’t understand Him. He’s going to be there for you; He loves you. Just take it one minute at a time. He’ll meet you in that minute. You’ll look bac

Episode Summary:  In this episode, I talked with former runway model, Jennifer Strickland. Jennifer shared how she suffered emotional and spiritual wounds when she allowed others’ opinions of her to determine her worth and value. Through her journey, she discovered the importance of finding the true source of her worth -- in Christ. Now, she ministers to other women who need to know this life-changing truth as well. Quotables from the episode: We all have pain and hurt, and if we aren’t careful and don’t get healing, that is what the enemy uses to hold us back, to think that we are not worthy to be used by God, that we are not worthy of love and acceptance. Sometimes, those things are things that have happened to us. Other times, they are things that we have made a conscious decision to participate in. But I’m here to tell you that your past is not wasted. And that thing that you think is so shameful, embarrassing, or disgraceful is often exactly what God wants to use to encourage others and to help you grow. I was 22 years old when I lived in Milan and was modeling on the runway. A particular man came into my life as a father figure and he saw that I could be a top model. That began a long journey in my life of believing that I was what man said about me. The lens that agents and photographers saw me became the lens through which I saw myself. If they said I was beautiful, I believed it, but if they said that I was ugly or anorexic then I believed that. This particular relationship became toxic for me spiritually. I really believe that the enemy worked through this man to plant some really poisonous lies in my heart. When I didn’t make the choices that he wanted me to make, he told me I was disposable, so I allowed man to determine my value. On the spiritual side of things, when I discovered Jesus, it drove me into a deep study of who was man? The word of God says, “do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save…but if you put your trust in God it will be like a well-watered garden.” It was the destructive lies that I heard from my interaction with this man that led me to write many of the messages I write now which helps women understand what’s going on with them when they allow a good man or a bad man to give them their identity, value, or worth. I carried the lies I believed about man determining my identity even into my marriage even after I became a Christian. So, if my husband said anything, even if he was trying to help me, I became very defensive and fearful based on what he said. I had to heal from those lies. I had to wallpaper my mind with truth. I had to forgive. It was very difficult for me to forgive a couple of particular people in the modeling industry for how they impacted my life, but when I did, I could then filter what other people were saying to me through a lens of wholeness. I had to do that healing work first before I could receive from Godly men, like my husband or father figures in a healthy way. I could receive constructive criticism or correction without believing it had anything to do with my identity. The enemy often plants lies in our childhood before we are mature enough to identify them as lies. The longer and more frequently we hear them, the more they become imbedded. It takes a lot of time and willingness to go deep and ask, “what lies have I believed?” Healing is a process and if we will take those wounds to God, he can take them, heal them, and turn them into beautiful sacred scars. The key to healing is always honesty. For me, healing began with writing my story, speaking my story, and identifying the patterns that were going on. I also believed that I was only as valuable as what I saw in the mirror or what I saw in other girls. That continued into my ministry as social media was throwing other people in my face, whereas when ministry was one on one with me and another girl, I never thought about that or played the comparison game. I had to learn to celebrate other women and continue running in my own lane and do it well. It’s a matter of dealing with the memories, assessing the lies and replacing them with the truth of what God says about us. I am his ambassador, I am his daughter, I am the apple of his eye. He never takes his eye off of me. I am loved by him every single day. His grace is sufficient for me. We have to stand on his truth and then walk in it. Confession and repentance is so important. The power of being honest about our sin is unmatched. Once we get honest about our struggle, is the first step, and then replacing it with truth of who we are. Culture today talks about “my truth” but that is just more deception from the enemy because there is only one truth and it is God’s truth based on what he has already

Episode Summary:  My guest today suffered a hemorrhagic stroke at the age of 29, and then subsequently developed epilepsy. I speak with Lori Vober about how God has taken her painful wounds and fashioned them into beautiful sacred scars, teaching her that every trial we face provides us with unique opportunities we might not have otherwise encountered. Quotables from the episode: With the right perspective, attitude, and perseverance, we can stay unstuck and keep moving forward even with our difficulties. Some of our greatest areas of ministry come out of our greatest areas of pain and woundedness. My journey took me through pain physically, mentally, and emotionally but God had me in the palm of his hand because he not only saved my life but he started me on my faith journey long before the stroke so I had a firm foundation to stand on and I learned more and more about how to depend on him. He gives us a choice regarding how we are going to look at our painful wounds, and I’m so grateful that allowed me to go through the fire but also to become closer to him. When we go through trials, we can either lean into God or we can run the other way. But he’s not going to chase us. He wants us to willingly come to him. When things are going well, I have a tendency to think, “I’ve got this, God. I’ll let you know when I need help!” But when I go through the trials that seem so dark, that’s when I hold onto every nugget that the Lord has given me over my life. Trials offer opportunities. Too often, we begrudge the trials and don’t dig in to look for opportunities and don’t consider things outside our box. Perseverance ends up yielding the blessing of God’s mercy and compassion.  Perseverance has definitely been required. No one clued me in that 21 years down the road I would still have a disability. Grief and loss have also been part of the equation but didn’t hit me right away, but rather, has been a journey that I’ve had to go through over time. But it has helped me to recognize the importance of processing grief and loss in order to move forward. Sometimes we associate grief and loss with the death of a loved one, but grief and loss also occur when we lose our functioning or lose our dreams. God gives us so many mini-miracles, and when God doesn’t give you the dream of your heart, we have to be okay with that and thank him for all the other mini-miracles He has provided. If He had granted me the full desires of my heart, I would not have had the blessing of the journey that has led me to where I am today. We need to let God be God and still trust him. I woke up paralyzed on one side. I can walk, but I do so with a limp. I have physical pain. I’m still actively engaged in therapy. But He keeps giving me amazing opportunities. God can handle our anger…He knows about it anyway. When I finally expressed my frustration and anger to God, it was as if He was saying, “now we can deal with it and get somewhere.” Vulnerability is so important, but we can do so honestly in a positive way. I’ve learned so much through my own need for emotional support, that was never really met, how to support others. When we are vulnerable in our suffering, it gives other people permission to be honest and vulnerable about their situation too. We’re all going to go through something painful, embarrassing, shameful, but in the hands of a redemptive God, he can bring about a beautiful sacred scar. We have to give grace to ourselves as well as to our friends and family members who aren’t sure how to help because they haven’t gone through it themselves and truly don’t understand. Every challenge, every trial that we go through is part of His master plan and purpose for us, it’s just a matter of us getting out of the way of our plans and saying, “Yes, God, I understand that this doesn’t fit into my plan, but it does fit into yours.” We have to be willing to look at how our situation fits into God’s master plan. I have a tendency to make my plans and want God to fit in it, but we need to surrender to His perfect plan. God is the only thing that is going to get you through painful situations. Our true hope is in God. The One who created us and the One who is waiting for us at the end of this earthly life is the only One who truly matters. Scripture References: James 5:11 “As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.”   Recommended Resources:  Choices: When You Are Faced With a Challenge, What Choice Will You Make? By Lori Vober <a href="https://amzn.to/

Episode Summary:  As part of our Sacred Scar Story Series, my guest, Julie McLaughlin, opens up about her deeply personal journey through teenage pregnancy and the heart-wrenching decision to give her baby up for adoption. For over 40 years, Julie and her husband kept this secret hidden, carrying the heavy burden of shame that often follows birth moms in similar situations. Julie shares how God transformed her painful wounds into sacred scars, bringing healing and redemption when her son found them decades later. Tune in to hear Julie's powerful story of overcoming the stigma of unplanned pregnancy and discovering the freedom that comes from sharing her story.   Quotables from the episode: Areas that God puts us in to minister to others often comes out of our areas of our painful wounds. I was shamed, embarrassed, and shocked when I became pregnant by my then-boyfriend (now-husband). I wasn’t ready to be a mom, and I wasn’t ready to get married, and with a lot of help by my parish-priest and others, I made the difficult decision to put my baby up for adoption. The stigma of that unplanned pregnancy has been with me my entire life. I kept that secret from everyone for over 40 years. I experienced so much shame attached to my actions. Shame makes you feel like you have fallen off the pedestal of life. I disappointed my parents (I was the oldest of five, and my younger brothers didn’t even know about it), and I disappointed myself.  There was so much shame. I didn’t feel like I was the good Catholic girl I thought I was supposed to be. I married my baby’s father, and we kept the secret for forty years from most of the people in our lives, including our two daughters we had. We didn’t tell that I had had a son and had put him up for adoption. At the time that happened, only a few people knew. I fabricated a story and that’s what people believed. Although I lived a very full and fulfilling life, there were many things I shied away from (like running for public office) because I didn’t want my story to be found out. Even when other people talked about teenage pregnancy or adoption, I never talked about it. Our painful wounds often tempt us to keep our secrets hidden. Shame prompts fear (fear that we are going to be found out, fear of ridicule, fear that we are going to be rejected or abandoned, fear that people will share our story and it won’t be within our control…). Out of fear, we often then isolate because we don’t want anyone to find out. I probably experienced undiagnosed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I suffered with medical problems through the years, I tried counseling but found out that the counselor’s husband worked with my husband so I feared my story wouldn’t be kept confidential, so I quit going. When you keep your secrets quiet, I believe it will come out manifesting in different ways emotionally, physically, etc. About six years ago, after I placed my son in an entirely private adoption, through Facebook and an ancestry service, my son found us (we had not been looking for him). He found us and told us that he had had a great life, and that he appreciated the decision we had made, and ironically, he and his wife adopted a child (from the same agency I had used) when they were initially unable to have a baby, but then went on to have two more biological children. When my son validated the painful decision we made decades before, not only healed the wound, but filled a hole in my heart all those years. Because the story was out after my son found us, we started sharing our story, and we were received in such a loving way that was nothing like I had feared all those years ago. What we received instead was love and joy and peace. So I was able to write a book about our story, shared my story with countless people and I’ve had the incredible opportunity to meet other birth moms with the same story, adoptive parents, adoptive kids, which has helped to heal me and my husband, and now there’s no longer a secret we can talk about it openly. So often, when we are vulnerable enough to share our story with others, the outcome is rarely as bad as the enemy convinces us it will be. God wants to redeem and restore us, but He is waiting for us to come out of the darkness to share our pain with Him in the light of His love. The most important redemption came through our daughters, who for over 30 years had no knowledge of having an older brother, loved us and accepted us and told us they were proud of us when we told them the news. They lovingly and unselfishly opened their hearts to him and his family. God’s hand has been in this since our son was conceived. A friend told me that we had given a gift to another family years ago, and God has given it back to us to see his redemptive work and to see the joy. I’m not as

Episode Summary:  In this episode, I chatted with Shonda Whitworth, who shared about her wounds, her pain, and now her sacred scars after walking through a most devastating experience when her son was incarcerated. What the enemy tried to use to quiet and shut Shonda down, God has now used to bring her into a greater aspect of her calling.  Quotables from the episode: When they said “Your son has been arrested for aggravated assault,” I went numb and didn’t know how to respond because the person they were describing on my phone was not the son I knew. I grabbed hold of Romans 8:28. At the time, that verse just felt overused to me, like a Bible verse Band-Aid. But I held my Bible and declared that this was God’s Word, and asked Him to make it real for me. This was one of the last things I ever expected to happen. I raised him in the way he should go, taught him the word, took him to Sunday School, and taught him about God. I didn’t expect him to depart from his upbringing and it just devastated me. I was hopeful things would turn around, but that’s not what happened. I was looking for a miracle ending. We take either the fight or flight response, and I took the flight response. I just wanted to hide in my cave. I didn’t want to be seen in social situations and wanted to hide from conversation about our children. The depression and anxiety were overwhelming. It knocked me down. I went dark for a while and retreated for a season. The enemy brings shame, guilt, regret, and fear. I felt like I was wearing a big “F” for mother of a felon. The depression and anxiety came from listening to all the lies about myself. I was operating with a double-mind. In prison, my son began experiencing freedom that doesn’t depend on a location. Scripture says, “where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” He began operating in freedom as he started growing in his relationship with the Lord. I thought, “Isn’t this ironic? Here I am living in the free world, but all these bars of fear, guilt, shame, condemnation were keeping me captive in my own home. But my son who is in prison is experiencing freedom!” The amazing thing is that when I did share about what I was experiencing, I got nothing but compassion, the opposite of what the enemy convinced me I would experience. It gets better as healing comes in layers. One thing that was so helpful in my journey was having a reason to get up every day. The more I share my story, the more I put myself out there, the more healing comes; the more I have courage, and the more my confidence builds. When we experience shame, we want to stay in the dark where no one can see us because with shame comes embarrassment. We fear “if others find out, what will they say? Will they reject me? Will they abandon me? Will they gossip about me?” But when we take what’s in the dark and bring it out into God’s healing light, rarely is it as bad as we think it’s going to be and it brings healing. My husband and I started a ministry to other families with family members incarcerated. By me opening up and sharing our story, it’s helping other people find hope, to find healing, and to encourage them not to give up on this side of eternity.  Every life is valuable, and we can see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Even those who are in prison, their life is invaluable. Everyone has a purpose whether it’s inside prison walls or outside prison walls. The more I tell my story, the more it silences that accusing voice that comes against us from the enemy. When we open our mouths and testify what Jesus has done for us, the more it silences the enemy who accuses us. Jesus came to set the captives free and that includes you. Never give up. Always pray and never give up! Speaking out the Word of God gives us courage and hope and reminds us that everyone has a purpose and not to quit on your purpose. John 15:16 reminds us that Jesus has chosen us. You are chosen. You are not forsaken. You have a purpose. Don’t quit! We are all imperfect and in need of a Savior.  The cross levels the playing field.   Scripture References: Romans 8:28 NKJV “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” 2 Corinthians 3:17 “Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” Luke 18:1 “One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up.” NLT Psalm 27:13 NIV “I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.” Revelations 12:11 NIV “They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.” John 15:16 NIV “You did not c

Episode Summary:  Sometimes life seems to bring one heartache after another until we can feel beaten down by all we’ve been through. My guest today, Cherie Denna, shares from her wounds and pain, and the sacred scars she has gained through infertility, divorce, and ultimately a child custody case for the care of her miracle child. Quotables from the episode: None of our past experiences is wasted. I have a collection of trauma upon trauma, with lots of PTSD triggers. Years of childhood sexual abuse negatively impacted my dream of becoming a mother. There was a lot of damage to my reproductive organs, which led to anger toward my perpetrator and toward God. God met me in the middle of all this. What the enemy stole, God began redeeming. My hopes and dreams were not fulfilled in the way that I had hoped. It was ironic, or God’s perfect plan, where God had me in a job with four other women who understood the pain of infertility, while there were many others who were having babies and baby showers. I had a perfect picture painted in my mind of what motherhood would look like. Ultimately, after years of treatment, God gave me my miracle daughter. It was devastating to me to have women in my family who chose abortions. I learned a lot about taking my focus off of myself during that painful time. God kept showing up with His promises. My ex-husband couldn’t handle my PTSD triggers, and divorced me, then spent five years in court trying to take my daughter away from me, leaving me to represent myself in court to fight for my daughter. I had to keep remembering God’s promises, and the promise that he would not let the enemy win. When I was fighting for my daughter, I recommitted my life to the Lord. He gave me Matthew 10:26 to hold onto. The previous judge had been removed from the bench, and in his place a righteous judge was put in his place, and he granted me custody of my daughter. There was a lot of healing that had to take place between my daughter and myself because there was a lot of parental alienation during this time period. When I recommitted myself to the Lord, he healed the pain between my daughter and I. After I had my one miracle daughter, it didn’t bother me anymore that I couldn’t have any more children because of the physical scarring in my body. I thank God that He calls me His Beloved. It’s painful to be betrayed, especially by someone who’s supposed to love you forever. I just clung to the hem of his garment. I committed everything to God, and learned to wait on Him to act. Commit your ways to God’s ways, and you will experience the miraculous. We don’t always have a choice about things that happen to us, but we do have a choice in how we will respond! Pain often prompts us to isolate from others and from God, but we have a choice in our pain to either walk away from God or to lean in and reach for the hem of his garment. God loves you. He is for you. He always purposes good for you even your circumstances are not good. When you go through pain and suffering, He hurts for you. Scripture tells us that he is close to the broken hearted. He says draw unto me, and I will draw unto you. That is a promise He makes to you, but He wants you to make the first move. Call out to God and He promises He will meet us there. It won’t always look the way we want it to look, and it won’t always happen in the timing we want it to happen, but God promises you a future and a hope. My challenge to you today is to reach out to Him and watch Him bring a beautiful sacred scar to replace your painful wounds. Scripture References: Matthew 10:26 NLT “But don’t be afraid of those who threaten you. For the time is coming when everything that is covered will be revealed, and all that is secret will be made known to all.” Psalm 37:5-7 NLT “Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you. He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.” Psalm 34:17-19 NIV “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.”     Recommended Resources:  Beloved Outcast – A True Story: The Quest for True Belonging by Cherie Denna Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson  The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms

Episode Summary:  We’re in the midst of the Sacred Scars Stories Series, during which I’m talking to real people who have experienced real pain, real wounds, and come out on the other side of healing with beautiful sacred scars to show for it. This week, I’m talking with author, trauma-informed life coach, Janell Rardon, seeking her perspective as a mental health professional regarding what prevents people from seeking healing as well as key steps or activities to help in our healing journey.  Quotables from the episode: God didn’t create us to go through difficult experiences alone. Asking God “Why did this happen” is rarely of much help. The answer to “why?” doesn’t really satisfy our longing and pain, but there are other questions that are more helpful. A wound is something that disrupts life. It stops you in your tracks and disrupts forward motion and causes pain. We have jarring experiences that interrupt the normal flow, and perhaps interrupts our ability to cope with normal life, and causes physical, emotional, relational, or spiritual pain. On the other hand, a scar is actually a healed wound. Scars don’t erase the memory of the pain from the wound, but they don’t allow the pain to take up the same real estate anymore because healing has taken place. The book Sacred Scars highlights we as humans hurt, and are susceptible to the lies of the enemy. The enemy is referred to as The Father of Lies and as The Accuser of the Brethren. He is constantly whispering in our ears that we aren’t loveable, we can’t be forgiven, and that we have no value, no worth, and no purpose and that we deserve the pain we experience. I’ve had a tendency in the past to look at my scars as an ugly reminder of the pain I have gone through. My hope is that readers of Sacred Scars can get to the point that they no longer look at their scars with disdain but as something beautiful that shows that they have overcome and that there is no shame to those scars. If we can make that shift from shaming or shameful to sacred, then we have won the victory. Shame is liars language, whereas grace is the language of love. If we are filtering our wounded experience through the hands of a Father God who loves us, then He is the one who will help us get from a place of shame to a sacred place. I was so ashamed of my physical scars. I had heard the verse that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. But because my deformity occurred after birth, I could not fathom how God could find it beautiful or wonderful, so I couldn’t either. What brought about healing in my heart was when I read over the resurrection story in the Bible and realized that Jesus still had his scars in his resurrected body. Those scars were beautiful and served the purpose of proving that He was who He said He was and that He had done what He said He would do. In the same way, our scars are beautiful and serve a redemptive purpose. There are primarily four things that prevent people from seeking healing for their painful wounds: 1) Pride 2) Shame 3) Fear and 4) Discomfort Pride says, “I’ve got this.” Shame says, “I am a mistake.” Fear says, “I’m afraid of the future.” Discomfort says, “I’m uncomfortable with others knowing the worst part of me. It takes courage to say, “I need help here” with a wise, discerning purpose who can make space for you and your healing. As a mental health professional, nothing our patients say surprises us anymore. We’ve heard just about everything and just want to help our patients through it, knowing that when they share their darkest secrets and bring them into the light, they no longer hold the power over them. Once we let the light in, shame has to flee! No one comes into our office because everything is going well. Once they share, relief sets in because once they share their pain, they realize it was not as bad as they expected. Some things that help our healing journey are: find things that bring joy and a sense of equanimity, find ways to play and find pleasure, destress and stop the flood of cortisol, live from a place of pre-forgiveness. When we don’t find healing, our brain continues to live from a state of emergency. Extend as much grace to yourself that you would extend to your best friend. God did not create us as human doings. He created us as human beings. He wants us just to be. When reconciliation is impossible, remember that greatest amount of work being done is in you, and that will help you the most in the long run. Live from a state of pre-forgiveness, which means humans will inevitably hurt us, so we look at them having already decided to forgive things they would say or do that would hurt me. Remember, everyone is hurting from something, and hurt people hurt

Episode Summary:  As part of our “Sacred Scar Story Series,” my guest, Lisa Saruga, shares part of her story about being a victim of a violent crime on a college campus, and how God is now using her painful wounds to create a sacred scar that helps and encourages others. Latest statistics indicate that about 20% of Americans have experienced attempted or completed rape. That is over 430,000 American victims each year, 1 rape every 73 seconds. Yet only 5 out of 1,000 rapists go to jail. Part of Lisa’s sacred scar is her work toward changing legislation to provide greater protection for victims than perpetrators. Quotables from the episode: I’m at a point now, where I’m not grateful for the experience I endured, but I am grateful for my sacred scar. There was no healing until I took the time to process the wound. A lot of people post-trauma minimize what they went through, as a form of self-preservation. My experience impacted all areas of my life, including my parenting out of fear that something could happen to my kids. The assault negatively impacted my ability to trust others and God, but ironically it also deepened my faith in God. God is a God of justice. God didn’t purpose for me to experience trauma, but he can and is using it for his purposes. The key to my healing was to surrender to God. God doesn’t forget our experiences. He wants to heal us, but we have to be open to the work that healing entails. God didn’t purpose for you to be abused, but he can use all things for his purpose. I have learned to trust God, his timing, and his faithfulness. He showed me in a powerful way that when we are working to chip away at walls that stand in the way of healing, we have no idea what kind of powerful work he is doing on the other side of that wall. While God does not purpose for us to experience trauma, he can use our trauma for his purposes if we let him. Sometimes he is up to great things when we don’t even sense that he remembers our trauma. I encourage victims to find a support network and talk about the experience. Hiding it away on a back shelf in our brain does not work forever. We all experience bad things in our life. We can heal from trauma with appropriate help, but tragedy results when we don’t heal from the trauma. Scripture References: Romans 8:28 (NLT) And we know that God causes everything to work together[a] for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. 2 Corinthians 1:4 (NLT) He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. John 16:33 (NIV) I have told you these things, so that in my you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.   Recommended Resources:  How to Heal From Sexual Trauma and Violence - Episode 183 Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson  The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms   Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award <a href="http

Episode Summary:  In this week’s episode, I speak with Gina Kelly who was a sixth grader when she was hit by a truck which caused significant physical and emotional injury and wounds. She shares what she endured, as well as how she has seen God use that for good, and how she has witnessed God’s faithfulness to her through it all.   Quotables from the episode: There was definitely a defining moment in my life, which happened a little over 45 years ago. When I was a 6th grade crossing guard and was crossing the street to get to my post, I was hit by a truck. I flew 100-125 feet in the air and landed in a snowbank. I suffered the most pain in my life from that event: the physical pain, the trauma, the suffering. I had a skull fracture on the right side of my head, which left me deaf in one ear, complete facial paralysis on the right, I had six broken ribs on the right and my right lung collapsed. Physically, my body went through a lot from that. That event caused emotional wounds too. I was just entering middle school when I had to wear an eye patch over my eye, my smile was very asymmetrical, so I experienced a lot of insecurities with my physical body and with the emotional wounds that went along with the physical wounds from my accident. One of the ways that God used the wounds you experienced for someone else’s good was when I was in a car accident and suffered physical injuries and you reached out to me to comfort me in my healing process. That is directly related to the scripture that says, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” Before the accident, I was pretty reserved and shy. After the accident, I remember two prominent feelings. One was feeling like I was in a fishbowl because I went back to school and everyone was curious about the girl who almost died so all of a sudden, as someone who preferred to shrink back to the edges of society was thrust into the forefront because everyone wanted to know what happened and that made me uncomfortable. I did experience some cruelness. About two weeks after I returned to school, I participated in the spelling bee. In the very front row were two boys from a different elementary school and every time I went up front, they made faces at me and pointed at me, and I was nervous anyway trying to remember how to spell the words and I remember crying with my parents after we left. I experienced the shame of not wanting people to see my deformity. I was blessed to have one youth leader who sat with me in my pain, listened to me, spoke truth into me and little by little I no longer covered up my asymmetrical smile. Something good came out of it in that they did not put another sixth grader in that role but had an adult as a crossing guard going forward. It’s been 45 years since my accident and just over the past couple of months God has been revealing to me some lies I have held onto since childhood. I was recently at a youth conference and one of the speakers felt the call to pray for someone who was deaf specifically in their right ear. I realized that since my accident no one had ever prayed for me and for what I had gone through. My whole life I’ve praised God for keeping me alive but there was something about going back and specifically praying over that area. When the leader prayed over me, he happened to touch my scar that I hadn’t revealed to him, and God revealed to me that I was still seeing myself as broken, which was a lie and God showed me I am not broken. Also, because I couldn’t hear physically in that ear, I had believed I couldn’t hear God speak very well either. There was that spiritual wound. I had always previously sensed his presence on my left side, but recently, during my quiet time when I was journaling, I sensed God speaking to my heart that “I will always position myself so you can hear me.” Since that prayer for healing of my deafness, I have been able to sense him on my right side as well.  If God can raise dead bones to life, he can speak into a deaf ear and it can hear. As I look back over the course of my life, I can see several ways God redeemed those wounds. It led me into my current profession as a pediatric physical therapist. I worked as a missionary in a clinic with children with special needs and I used my hands to show them God’s love. One particular incident occurred when I was on the mission field when I was working with a woman who had been in an accident and her husband asked me, “What’s wrong with your face?” In that moment, God showed me that this was my opportunity so I told them about my accident and about how even in the hospital I sensed God’s presence, and I knew

Episode Summary:  No parent expects to live longer than their children. The death of a child brings such unimaginable grief that is almost impossible for others to relate to if they haven’t walked that road. On this episode, I had a conversation with Alycia Morales about the pain, the wounds, and now the sacred scars she bears after her son, Caleb, died a few years ago. She shares the hope that she has found to help her as she grieves. Listen for how to overcome grief from the death of a child. Quotables from the episode: Frequently, some areas of our greatest areas of ministry come out of our greatest areas of woundedness and pain. The death of our son caused emotional, relational, and spiritual wounds and pain. I experienced a bout with grief amnesia and couldn’t remember any of the details of his death, until one by one God reminded me what happened and it was like I re-experienced it all over again. Despite death touching each one of us, it’s just a shadow because Jesus conquered it. Even though darkness is overwhelming and I couldn’t see through it, as soon as you let God’s light in, that shadow shifts or disappears completely. So I needed to let God’s light shine into my grief. I went to the Word looking for encouragement and God promises that if we will call out to Him, He will answer you. Grief is a gift from God, but if we’re not careful, it’ll lead us into places we aren’t meant to go. As all the first holidays, his birthday, and the anniversary of his death approached, I could feel myself going deeper and darker, and I realized I was under a spirit of grief, but the minute my pastor prayed over me, that came off me. The hole that my son left in my heart is still there, but is precious to me. We have complete healing in Christ through little drops of his healing balm in our lives. The essence behind Sacred Scars is that we will all go through some form of pain and woundedness, but in the hands of a holy and redemptive God, He can and will bring good from it. What the enemy intended for harm, God will use for good for the saving of His people (Gen. 50:20). Six months after my son died, I was able to comfort another family whose son died. When we’re willing to be authentic and vulnerable and transparent about our pain, even though sometimes it’s really embarrassing what we’ve gone through, what we’ve done, or what’s been done to us, when we bring that out of the dark and into the light, and we share it with others, it brings them comfort. You could step in and comfort that couple in a different way because you understood. You knew what they needed because you had been through something similar, in a way that others of us could not know. That’s a beautiful example of God redeeming the pain in our lives. As I started writing about our grief journey, it helped others know how to help someone else who is going through this. We all still have things that God has called us to do in life and we have people He wants us to minister to out of that pain we’ve endured, and He has lives that He wants to restore out of our pain, and He can use our testimony for His glory. Even though my son died, I have to keep living, I have to keep going. It’s not that we move on, but rather, we move forward with God walking with us through the rest of the story. Every day we get closer to being reunited with our loved ones so continue walking out your faith. Scripture References: Ecclesiastes 3:4 “…a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance…” Proverbs 18:1 “An unfriendly person pursues selfish ends and against all sound judgment starts quarrels.” Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Psalm 23:4 “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”   Recommended Resources:  Surviving the Year of Firsts: A Mom’s Guide to Grieving Child Loss by Alycia Morales (Releases 7-30-24) Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson  The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms   Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Be